Gratitude

A list of ten things that I am thankful for...

1) I am thankful for my past and on-going educational experience that not only gives me knowledge, but experience and exposure to the world outside my bubble. 

2) I am thankful to have a career that I grow more passionate about the more it challenges me and the little human beings I work with that arguably teach me more than I teach them. 

3) I am thankful for the roof over my head with a gorgeous mountain view every single day that my career allows me to afford. 

4) I am thankful for the rebels that stuck it to Great Britain so I could be a citizen of the United States where I have a voice and the freedom to pursue my dreams and passions. 

5) With that, I am thankful for the men and women who have served or are serving in the armed forces to protect our liberties.

6) I am thankful for Colorado's beauty and shred.

7) I am thankful for my obnoxious cat who felt it necessary to use my arm as a headrest as I type this...

8) I am thankful for my friends, new and old, and the memories created on a daily basis.

9) I am thankful for being a granddaughter of Lois Ann who inspires me everyday from her place in my heart and in Heaven to just love everyone.

10) I am thankful for my extremely loving family, especially my stellar parents whose support has been overwhelmingly awesome...none of the above would be possible without them (well, the colonies probably still would have separated from Great Britain...and Colorado would likely still have mountains...but yeah).

I've got gratitude coming out the wahzoo!

Namaste.

Kins

I Just Got Really Excited About Learning

I have survived my first quarter as a junior high teacher. One down, three to go!!!

Don't get me wrong, I totally love my job. In fact, I still have a hard time grasping the concept that I get paid for it. But to be perfectly honest, I am looking forward to next year when I have a year of experience under my belt. I have been flying by the seat of my pants on many occasions and wishing I had put in more preparation for certain things and have been overall unsatisfied with a lot of things I have produced in the classroom so far. Perfectionism has always been a struggle for me and I have always been a tough critic of myself. "The first year is all about survival," they keep telling me. This I have gathered, and I am trying really hard to accept that reality. Some days, after the final bell has rung and I return to my classroom from outside duty, I find myself completely dumbfounded. How did I get to three o'clock in the afternoon?? What classes did I have today?? What the hell did I teach all day?? Did I eat today?? What's my name again...

All I know is that I am exhausted and my feet are killing me.

It is safe to say that there have been zero dull moments in the past few months. The days and months are flying by with no sign of slowing down in the near future (or ever). I fall asleep at 7:30 in front of the TV often. I frequently try to use my house key to get into my classroom in the mornings. I resist the temptation to introduce myself as Ms. Towler to adults outside of school. I cannot read anything without going through modeling and reading strategies in my head as if my students were inside my brain. I kind of feel like my life is a mess right now, but I totally love it. I have never once dreaded going into school, and once the kids walk in the room, I feel pretty content about my life in general.

So with the first quarter under my belt, I'd like to share my favorite teacher moment of the quarter:

Every lesson should have a learning objective to let the students know what they are doing that day. My school is changing gears a bit and calling them "learning intentions." This approach has three parts: what the student will know, why they need to know it, and how they know when they have mastered it. My favorite teacher moment happened right after my class reviewed the warm-up over the previous lesson and addressed the learning intention for our lesson that day about the French and Dutch explorers...

The learner will be able to compare and contrast the different settlement patterns and characteristics of the French and Dutch in the New World...So that I can examine the increase in competition among European nations for power in the New World...I will know that I have mastered this when I create a triple Venn Diagram comparing the Spanish, French, and Dutch explorers.

I shit you not. The student sitting in the desk in front of me literally leaned forward and said, "Ms. Towler...I just got really excited about learning." And he was one hundred percent serious.

Who says that? Seriously, is this real life?

Namaste.
Kins

Just Love Each Other

This weekend I went up to Denver for the Pride parade mostly because a friend invited me. Otherwise, I'm not so sure I would have gone. For one, I'm not a big parade person and two, I just never really thought about it. But I am so glad I went.

There was just so much happy; people loving and being themselves without fear. What's not to love about that scenario? Also, very fine male specimens walking around in their underwear (didn't care if they swung my way or not...nothing wrong with a little eye candy). But anyways, back to the point...before the parade got started I was mostly just quietly people-watching and taking in the environment. Not really thinking much, as I was distracted by my hunger since my friend made me wake up for an early workout after a night out downtown before we went to the parade. But when the parade did get started and I watched the floats and whatnot go by, I unexpectedly got a huge lump in my throat. I seriously got choked up by all the support and love displayed.

I've never understood the concept of homophobia. People are people. Love is love. 

Serious change is underway and I think that's super cool. I recall one of my high school peers being openly gay. That was one out of a class of three-hundred fifty or so (I have a terrible memory and I wasn't exactly a social butterfly in high school so there could have been more). When I student taught this past semester, I had at least five students out of one-hundred thirty or so openly TELL me they were gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I was taken back by how many gay couples openly held hands in the hallways because that was just not something I saw ten years ago when I was that age. Now, there is an obvious environmental factor here: I went to school in an upper-middle class, very conservative district when I student taught in more of a middle-class, slightly more diverse district. Still. It was neat and so heartwarming that my students felt safe and comfortable enough to confide in me or simply just walk up to me after the bell to say, "Just so you know, I'm a lesbian." Plus, the boys always gave me the nicest compliments on my outfit :) 

Seriously, doe. Kinda cool to think that history is unfolding as we speak. 

Namaste.

Kins

PS: Just love each other...we just need to love each other. That's what life is all about. - In the words of my Grandpa.

Teachable Moments

I saw this on heygirlteacher.tumblr.com, and decided to share a story from my student teaching thus far.

One of my freshmen world history students comes into class everyday with a frown/scowl on her face, sits down at her desk, never takes off her backpack, and typically has a phone or iPod out rather than a piece of paper and pencil. I basically have to prod her every step of the way to get her engaged with the class...and even that seems to prove useless at points.

Anyway, my first conversation with her was outside of the library when the students were supposed to be picking out a book for a book report. I asked her why she wasn't actually in the library getting a book for this assignment and she replied, "I don't read, Miss. I just don't like it." To which I reminded her that this was a required assignment. To which she shrugged.

Awkward...so I just struck up some small talk and found out that she likes to write. She couldn't tell me much about her hobby with confidence but I still tried to encourage her in it. That conversation ended with her asking me if I had a quarter for the bus, which I did so I gave it to her. And then the bell rang and I starting wondering how or if I could get through to her (she did say thank you).

I think one of the hard things for her is that none of her friends are in this class with her, on top of not being very confident in academics. Over the first few weeks I tried to make her one of my priority students, just by talking to her a little more and getting to know her. Most of the time it was like talking to a brick wall. I tried to make some lame jokes and usually got that "Oh, she thinks she's actually funny" look. But I kept humiliating myself hoping something would come out of it.

So the day comes that outlines are due for the five-paragraph essay book report and she's not in class. However, the next day she walked into the classroom before the bell and came straight to me with her hand-written outline on a torn piece of composition notebook paper.

CLOUD FREAKING NINE. That's where I was. I could have hugged her, but for the sake of her embarrassment I calmed myself and settled for a fist pound.

She actually GOT the prompt and went beyond summarizing the book! And she READ a BOOK! And she picked DEEP, HIGHER LEVEL THINKING ideas of the book to explore! And I didn't even have to REMIND her to turn it in!

So there you have it, girl teachers (and boy teachers, for that matter). Even though your efforts seem completely futile with those particular students in class, just keep doing your thing. If you're fortunate enough to see results, you'll feel your existence validated. It may take weeks, months, or years to see the impact--and let's be honest, you may never see it--but something is resonating with the student. If nothing else, you are that one minuscule positive element in their day that keeps them from slipping off the edge.

Namaste.
Kins

PS: A requirement for future love interests...must follow and memorize this blog.

Bucket List

1. Get my Bachelor's degree in History and Secondary Education
2. Visit my sponsored "daughter" in Guatemala before she turns 18
3. Get my Master's degree in English as a Second Language
4. Speak Spanish fluently
5. Be vegetarian for at least 10 years (started August 2003)
6. Become an awesome mommykins
7. Adopt a dog
8. Adopt an older kid
9. Give someone my whole heart and marry him
10. Get a rosemailing tattoo dedicated to Grandma Lois
11. Get a Korean folk art tattoo dedicated to Grandma Sue
12. Move to Denver or Fort Collins
13. Teach in an inner-city school
14. Own and rent out a house for college kids
15. Hike to the top of Mt. Whitney
16. Use a film camera
17. Surf
18. Confess my feelings to someone I like
19. Travel to every continent...except Antarctica (South America, Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia)
20. Publish something (children's book, article, essay...something)
21. Do 10 consecutive pull-ups
22. Enter a photography/art contest
23. Attend a rally/protest for something I believe in (likely to be related to education)
24. Hit a moderately sized kicker in the terrain park...and land it :)
25. Personally visit at least ten Volcom Stores in the world (check: Boulder, CO; San Diego, CA; Santa Barbara, CA; Berkley, CA)
26. Attend Winter X-Games in Aspen, CO
27. Meet Dallas Green
28. Buy really terrible thrift store furniture and make it awesome
29. Solve a Rubik's cube
30. Write a love letter...snail-mail style
31. Have a really shitty break up and GROW from it
32. Paint a mural
33. Join a book club
34. Plant a tree
35. Visit Korea with my grandmother (pending grandmother's willingness to go...)
36. Take a heli snowboarding in some backcountry
37. Throw a Gatsby party
38. Have tea parties with my grandchildren (now that's thinking ahead...hopefully this blog will still exist in 50 years)
39. Kiss under mistletoe

Will add as I think of more...

Namaste.

Kins

If I Was A Simple Girl

Dallas Green is my homeboy. Putting my feelings into words like a boss...

With you on my mind and my heart in your hands screaming, "Break me." A coma might feel better than this. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so full of these endless rhymes about the way I feel inside. I wish I could just get it right. And like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill. But behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart. And maybe next time will be the right time. And maybe next time will be your time. These words might be too little too late and I'm afraid that I've already lost you. I'll dig for water and fashion our very own wishing well. Then we'll throw our coins down hoping to rid us of this little hell. Can I have you? You are all four seasons rolled into one. Bring me your love, tonight. No I am not where I belong. Because without you there, I don't think I could close my eyes. Stay close, remain next to me. I need to feel important. Please know that I am yours to keep.

But perhaps the most important thing he reminds me of...

When the wind does blow against the grain, you must follow your heart.

In an ideal world, I would be married to this man. I will settle for being in a serious relationship with his music.

Namaste.
Kins

PS: F. Scott Fitzgerald also gets me...

"He smiled understandingly--much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself." - The Great Gatsby

98 Reasons

There are 98 reasons I am thankful for the year 2011 and they are all about 13 or 14 years old. Upon first observation of these children, one might notice the absurd level of energy, foul language, irresponsibility, unpreparedness, and general 'tude problem. But after my 16 weeks or so in their classroom, I began to see their humor, the cogs turning in their brains, their confidence in the classroom grow, and their unique personal perspectives making astute observations. They showed me how simple it was to gain their respect simply by showing them kindness and understanding and patience...with some yelling and lecturing about behavior.

I had a quarter-life crisis earlier this year where everything seemed to be falling apart all at once and I questioned becoming a teacher. Yet I could think of nothing else that I truly wanted to do. After a little breathing time, I picked up the fall semester to complete my practicum course work in a middle school with one of the worst reputations in the district. Intimidating at first, I was blessed with an angelic host teacher who had her shit together. There is really no other way of saying it. These kids will eat you alive at the first sign of weakness. More or less. Thanks to my host teacher's guidance, however, I did not become acquainted with the digestion system of eighth graders. A few nips here and there, but nothing major.

The fact that these kids pushed me so much and this teacher gave me so much support has really solidified my passion for teaching again. I feel like I have found my niche. December 16th was my last day with them and I wanted them to know how much I appreciated them and how much of an impact they had on me. So I made 100 of these and passed them out to each of the students...

One student offered me $3.00 for another one. More than a handfull of them kept the label with my note on it to keep in the clear cover of their binders. One student wrapped me up in a little bear hug. Two of the biggest "pain in the ass" students even neatly stapled the package back together to save half of the snack for later. I think they got my message :)

I'll never forget all the fart jokes, the counting down 3, 2, 1 for their attention and keeping them late when they didn't comply, the pencil throwing, or the questions regarding historical significance of drugs and sex to throw me off...sigh...

Namaste.
Kins